inothernews:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

inothernews:

HAHAHAHAHAHA pt. 2

thedailywhat:

“Genesis is back together.”

Also: “This kid loves cassettes.”

barnumyay:

Jack Johnson: So Ozzy, tell us about your transformation into mellowness.
Ozzy Osbourne: You can’t fly a bicycle and, you know, I’m not an octopus having a crap in the back of a van.  I’ve burnt my bloody brains out so I’m mellow.

Saturday Night Live 35.07 - “Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Dave Matthews Band”

inothernews:

Heh.

FEY: In entertainment news, if these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?
POEHLER: On a similar note, I don’t know if you had anything to do with this, but you watch yourself, Angelina Jolie.  You are too sexy to be trusted.  You’re a black widow spider, Jolie.  Stay away from me and my husbands.  And don’t think you’re gonna come here, Jolie, with your long legs and your mohawk baby and steal my fake news Update TV-wife!  Cause I will cut you.

munalamis:

my boo killed it on SNL tonight ;)

FEY: The Christmas season is a time for giving and giving back to your community, and that’s why Amy and I have joined the Teen Mentoring Program of America.  Please welcome the young girl we have been assigned to mentor, Lindsay Lohan.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Hi Tina, hi Amy.
POEHLER: So Lindsay, we are very worried about you, ok?  What’s going on?
LOHAN: Nothing.  Everything’s great.
FEY: Are you eating?
LOHAN: Yea, I’m eating.
FEY: Okay, cause you know what, these are Mischa Barton arms, and I don’t like that.  I think Lindsay Lohan should have Lindsay Lohan arms.
LOHAN: I’ve just been really busy working on my movie, Herbie, and my album, Speak.
POEHLER: Let’s talk about this album.
FEY: You are a very good singer.  
POEHLER: That is true, you have a lovely voice, but you are such a good actress.  I don’t want to hear that you’re neglecting your acting.
LOHAN: Amy, I’m not neglecting my acting.  A lot of actors my age have albums, everyone’s doing it.
POEHLER: If Hilary Duff jumped off a bridge would you wanna do that too?
LOHAN: No..duh.
POEHLER: Duh?  Is ‘duh’ a word?
LOHAN: I didn’t mean duh.  I just mean everything is fine.
FEY: Now, you’ve been wearing a lot of low-cut blouses…
LOHAN: Tina, nobody says ‘blouses.’  
FEY: Fine.  Low-cut tops.  Whatever the kids say.  So now I’m gonna ask you one more time.  Are those things real?  
LOHAN: Oh my god, yes!
FEY: Because when people ask me if they’re real, I always tell them yes, and I would hate for you to be making a liar out of me, Lindsay.
POEHLER: Cause people ask us - a lot.
LOHAN: Alright, stop it.  You guys are embarrassing me.  I’m not even sure you two are the best mentors for me anyway. 
POEHLER & FEY: Wha!!??
LOHAN: Because, Tina, you admitted to me that you used to have sex with a guy cause you thought he could help you get into movies.
FEY: Yes, but that was before Fandango made everything so easy.
LOHAN: Ok.  And Amy.. you’re drunk right now.
POEHLER: How dare you!  I am!